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'I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.'
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes -
'They gave me a book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits.'
- Congressman Joe Early at a press conference to answer questions about the House Bank scandal -
'He didn't say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech.'
- Richard Darman, explaining why President Bush wasn't following up on his campaign pledge -
'It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position.'
- John Hogan, responding to a charge that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job -
'I didn't accept it. I received it.'
- Richard Allen, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan -
'I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was doing spying.'
- Francis Gary Power, held by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he was returned to the US -
'I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes.'
- President Richard Nixon -
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign -
'I have never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward -
'I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate.'
- Vice-President Dan Quayle -
'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.'
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C. -
'Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.'
- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane -
'Are you any relation to your brother Marv?'
- Leon Wood, New Jersey Nets guard, to Steve Albert, Nets TV commentator -
'Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued... Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.'
- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid -
'The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this century's history... We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.'
- Dan Quayle, then Republican vice-presidential candidate, when he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust -
'In the early sixties, we were strong, we were virulent...'
- John Connally, Secretary of Treasury under Richard Nixon, in an early seventies speech -
'Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.'
- Chicago Rotary Club journal, 'Gyrator' -
'The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.'
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia -
'I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.'
- Lawrence Summers, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries -
'The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President, hijackiing an airliner and murdering a government poultry inspector.'
- Knight Rider News Service dispatch -
'After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.'
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington Rhode Island -
'The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.'
- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series -
'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.'
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest -
'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
- Mariah Carey -
'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.'
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents -
'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.'
- A congressional candidate in Texas -
'I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.'
- John Wayne -
'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
- Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager -
'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
- Al Gore, Vice President -
'I love California... I practically grew up in Phoenix.'
- Dan Quayle -
'It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another.'
- George Bush, US President -
'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?'
- Lee Iacocca -
'I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version.'
- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony -
'The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst -
'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor -
'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'
- Bill Clinton, US President -
'We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'
- Al Gore, Vice President -
'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.'
- Keppel Enderbery -
'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
- Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina -
'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman -
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